


technicolour (what he tells them)

by Setkia



Series: My Marvel Stories [4]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Homophobic Language, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes, pining!bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 07:11:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13519134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Setkia/pseuds/Setkia
Summary: “What’d ya tell ‘em, Buck, huh? Whatd’ya say to ‘em to get ‘em to go out with me?”





	technicolour (what he tells them)

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Captain America. This was based kind of off If You'd Let Me, because I just love the idea of Bucky gushing about Steve to others and they're like "you sure? You're totally sure you're platonic with this guy?"

Bucky kind of hates Lillian Stewart. Which, he can admit, is a bit unfounded since he doesn’t really know anything about Lillian as a person, and he’s sure she’s a lovely girl, but that doesn’t stop him from wanting to throttle her to death. 

“Stevie—”

“I’m not upset, Buck,” says the blond as he drops his jacket onto their shared, ugly couch. He flashes him a pathetic attempt at a smile. “I just … I’m curious. What’dya tell ‘em?”

“Tell ‘em?”

“The dames, to get ‘em to go out with me.”

Bucky is confused. “What’re ya going on ‘bout?”

“I mean do ya tell ‘em I’m six feet with muscles? That I have a deep and sexy voice?” Steve’s voice drops a moment to try and mimic the “sexy voice”. Bucky won’t admit what it does to him. “Tell ‘em Imma genius with a career that’ll make me a millionaire before I’m twenty-five? What is it? Cuz when they’re looking at me, it’s like they was expecting something else. Are ya tricking ‘em into going out with me?”

Of course that’s what Steve thinks. The problem could never be that all the girls Bucky has set him up with are too fucking blind to see all the amazing things that leave Bucky breathless whenever he sets eyes upon his best friend of years. 

“What’d ya tell ‘em, Buck, huh? Whatd’ya say to ‘em to get ‘em to go out with me?”  

“Just …” Bucky breathes in deeply and takes a moment to compose himself. “The truth. Nothing but the truth.”

* * *

_“Hey, Vi, have I told ya about Steve?”_

_“Steve?” repeated the redhead with a raised eyebrow. “Is he that friend you’re always going on about? The one who got a bloody nose last week?”_

_“Yeah, that’s ‘im. Your friend Lillian still single?”_

_“Why? You want to set her up?”_

_“I was thinkin’ ‘bout it.”_

_Vivian laughed. “Oh yeah? What’s this Steve like? Is he still bloodied from that fight with the mailman?”_

_“Steve only hit him ‘cuz he tried to make a pass at a dame on the street who didn’t want none of it.”_

_Vivian grinned. “Alright, tell me more about this hero sort.”_

_“Oh, you’d love ‘im. He’s amazing. Stevie, he’s an artist, you see? He’s got magic hands. With the flick of his wrist, it’s like, he’s made a masterpiece. He just … he finds the beauty in everything. He don’t make anything beautiful, he brings out the beauty you hadn’t realized was there. I come home sometimes and he’s just sitting on that ugly couch, in his own world cuz something caught his eye and he can’t look away. He saw a bird on the window sill once and he just grabbed his sketchbook and left his food to go cold so he could get it just right. He don’t see anyone as ugly._

_“And when he sees something he thinks is beautiful he gets this Look. Like he can’t believe what he’s seeing, like the world just fucking fades away, and there ain’t nothing left but what he’s looking at, like the world could blow up any moment and he’d be just fine standing right there, staring at that beautiful thing._

_“He’s a real stubborn fella too. He’s always cheering on the underdog, ya know? Always wants to fight, but not like, not to hurt nobody. Just when they do something wrong. Got a strong moral compass. He’ll throw punch after punch and just … he could do it all day. He ain’t violent though. He’s real kind, to everyone. ‘cept spiders. He kills those fuckers without a hint of remorse._

_“And his eyes … Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Viv, you ain’t seen any eyes like ‘em. They’re so Goddamn beautiful, so blue, s’like looking at the ocean. They change colour, you know? When he’s in sunlight, or if it’s raining, or if the lamp is on. They’re the most beautiful baby blue eyes you’ve ever fucking seen in your life …_

_“He’s so intense and beautiful, and so_ **_passionate_ ** _, he’s like some sort of work of art himself. It’s so fucking breathtaking to see him, but he ain’t feminine, he’s strong. He don’t look it, but he’s the toughest son of a bitch out there. And he’s got this light hair that falls into his eyes when he concentrates real hard— what?”_

_Vivian was giving him a look. Bucky didn’t like it._

_“Honey, I’d keep those thoughts to myself if I were you,” she said. “Unless you want everyone ‘round here thinking you’re queer?”_

_Bucky clamped down on his jaw, clenching his teeth tightly._

_Fuck._

_Sometimes, he forgot. He’d get so caught up, so blown away when he thought about Steve, he’d completely forget that the way Steve looks at him shouldn’t make his heart stop. He sometimes forgot that he wasn’t supposed to look at his best friend as though he hung the moon and the stars and the whole fucking galaxy. It’s weird. And Steve deserves better anyway._

_“I’m not.”_

_“Of course you’re not, darling.”_

_“I’m not,” Bucky repeated. His tongue felt like it was bleeding._

_“Ya ever thought of telling ‘im?”_

_“Telling ‘im what?”_

_“That you love ‘em?”_

_Bucky felt like he swallowed his tongue. “I …” It was so easy. Two words._ **_I don’t._ ** _Bucky knew he had to say them, he really did, because he couldn’t afford to fall apart in the alleyway of some slummy neighbourhood. If he went back to the apartment with tearstained cheeks, Steve would ask what was wrong and Bucky didn’t think he’d be strong enough to lie to him._

_I don’t._

_He couldn’t say it. Just the thought of denying it aloud, of doing that to Steve, who deserved so much more love than he got, who was strong despite what the doctors said. Bucky couldn’t do that to him._

_“I …”_

_Vivian waited._

_Bucky’s stomach knotted. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t stand, he couldn’t see, he needed Steve. He always needed Steve. He needed those blue eyes and those artistic hands and he needed that voice that was much stronger than what others thought could come out of such a “frail” body. He needed to feel the blade of Steve’s shoulder, always too boney, always too sharp._

_“I … can’t. I can’t …”_

_His voice cracked and he could feel himself beginning to shake. He was breaking down, and there was no fucking reason. He had to have better control of himself, before they sent him to a hospital. He couldn’t help Steve from the type of hospital they’d send him to._

_“Ever thought of telling him?”_

_“He wouldn’t …” Bucky swallowed, his throat dry. “He wouldn’t want me like that._ **_Doesn’t_ ** _want me like that.” He just didn’t want Bucky at all, and it hurt but Bucky could pretend he was okay. That’s why he had thicker skin, so he could take all those blows Steve, little Steve, sent at him, whether he knew it or not._

_“You don’t know that.”_

_“It’s_ **_Steve_ ** _. Stevie ain’t like that. Even if he was, he can do a hella lot better than me. He’d be nice about it though. Real nice. Stevie’s too nice. He’s always jealous of me, of the dames I’ve got. Christ, if I could just … I’d treat Stevie better than any Goddamn dame if he’d let me, if he’d just … I’d let him do whatever he wanted to me, and I’d still respect him come morning.”_

_Vivian bit her lip._

_“I’ll talk to Lilian.”_

* * *

Bucky plays with the TV’s antenna. They have crappy cable, and the bill’s gonna go through the roof, but Steve’s feeling shitty and it’s Bucky’s job to make him feel better, especially after the disaster double date.

He can’t help remembering what Vivian said before they left.

_“He gave you that Look, you know.”_

Bucky wishes.

He really wishes, as he settles down and Steve curls into him and they watch as black and white Kansas turns into technicolour Oz. It’s so bright and colourful and this world Steve’s living in is like Kansas, so dark and so grey. Bucky doesn’t know how Steve does it, goes on, unaffected by the grey around him. 

One day he’s gonna realize the truth about Bucky and Bucky’ll just fade back into the background, into the monochrome with the rest of the world. But he’ll hold onto this moment, this moment with Steve that’s in technicolour. 

 


End file.
